The War on People

I was raised in a very conservative town  and a Christian household. My entire life, I have listened to sermons on how to lead the proper Christian life and the horrors of eternal damnation. Even years later, specific sermons still stick out in my mind and I'm reminded of the things I need to do to make my life more respectable in the eyes of God.

 I know there are things in my life that need adjusted and I know I sin every single day. At the end of the day, I sit back and think about the choices I made and what I need to change to make the next day better. I may not always succeed, but these are still things I think about.

Now, I may burn with hate-fire from time to time, but to say I genuinely hate someone or a group of people is completely inaccurate. There are things that fuel my fire, but I know when it comes down to it, things will be fine. One thing, though, that continues to seriously irritate me is the amount of intolerance and under-educated opinions that are floating around social media at the current time. I use the phrase under-educated, because I like to think some people may just be uninformed and not complete morons.

To get to the root of the matter, those considered extremists of a particular religion DO NOT describe the religion as a whole. Otherwise peaceful religions and religious people are being thrown in and considered to be part of a terrible extremist organization and that is in no way accurate or fair. Just as there are radicals from other religions, there are radical Christians also.

The fact of the matter is that we are all people. As PEOPLE, we need to stand up against the things that are bad in the world. As PEOPLE, we need to realize that our way may not actually be the right way and maybe we should consider or at least listen to other opinions. As Christians, we need to respect other religions and understand that we can't condemn an entire group of people for the actions of a few.

We should all learn to be tolerant and, more importantly, respectful. Finally, please properly educate yourselves. This is a time of intense propaganda that can so easily sway any opinion. Get your news from unbiased (if there is such a thing) sources and take the time to form your own opinion. There are big problems in the world and we cannot fix them if people do not actually understand the issue.

Be kind, love one another, and smile always,

e.

Dear Mom

Over the last few years, I've found myself saying "well, that was my mother," in response to something I'd say or do. This has happened to me way too many times over the course of my life and I'm convinced that one day I'm just going to shrink four inches and start going by Angela.

My mom always taught us that we are fully capable of doing things ourselves. Never just give up and let someone else do it. So, the other day when some men attempted to carry a couch up the stairs to Laura's apartment, I thought I'd help. When one of them looked at me and said "now hold on, this is man's work" I held up my hand, said "no, you're done," then picked the end of the couch up that he'd dropped. I immediately looked to Laura and said "well....that was mom."

This evening I'll be taking an Omnibus trip to King's Island, so I just sat down to go through my purse and figure out what I'll need to take with me. While transferring cards into another wallet, I picked up my debit card and said "for food," and slipped it into my wallet. Next, I grabbed my license and student ID and said "in the event we get into an accident and they have to identify my body." Okaaayyy. Last, I grabbed my health insurance card, nodded my head, and put it in my purse. That, ladies and gentleman, was my mother.

These are just a couple of incidents within the last week. I can't say I mind it, though. I'm glad my mom taught me all of the things that she has and still continues to teach me things all the time. She's the greatest woman I know and I wouldn't want to be like anyone else. (except maybe Beyonce...but, like, who doesn't?)

So, if you happen to see me in the future and I've started playing computer games, drinking copious amounts of Red Bull, and talking about roses, don't worry. I'm just my mom.

Senioritis, Senior Thesis, Senior Year

Yes, it's been awhile. Being a college senior takes more time than I thought. It's difficult trying to stay focused on classes, gather information about graduate school applications, spend time with friends to have as many "lasts" as possible, and the most important of all projects, my senior thesis.

Let's talk about senioritis really quickly. It is a completely different concept than it was in high school. By the time my junior year hit in high school, I had senioritis. I'd spent the last 12 years with the same people every day. We'd watched each other grow up and move through our awkward phases and when it came time for graduation, we all laughed and cried with each other, but no one was too sad to leave.

Senioritis in college is completely different for me. For example, I should be writing a paper right now for the History class I put off for the last three years. I'm always torn between wanting to nap and spend time with my friends, because Lord knows how many "chill" days we have left...but how many naps do I have left? I also have this love/hate relationship with class. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the classes I'm in now. But....like, I've got the syllabus. Can I just follow along at home and show up for the exams? Doesn't work like that at Hanover, thank you participation based classes. And, although I'm going to be so sad to leave, I'm just trying not to think about that right now. There are too many things I've become used to these last four years and I'm just not ready to walk away from that yet.

I will say, though, the best part about this year is living on Garritt Street. I never have to see anybody! Besides the occasional encounter with Mr. and Mrs. Dean Jobe, I hardly see anyone outside of class. I can't say I mind. I'll make my way to the CC a few days a week to creep on a couple people, but to be honest, I'm perfectly content locking myself in the apartment with my entertaining roommates.

Now, when you come in as a freshman at Hanover, you always hear the seniors whispering and stressing over two mysterious things they have to do. 1) Senior Thesis. 2) Comps.

I'm going to be honest, I'm putting off all thoughts of my comps until I get this thesis together. Senior Thesis. Sounds fun doesn't it? And, to be honest, it kind of is. Stressful, but it's nice to have all the power...once I ask John, Kati, and Skip if it's okay. Ask me again about my thesis when next semester rolls around and I'm standing on the street begging people to participate. But, right now, I can handle it.

You know, it's funny sitting here and thinking about all I've done in the last four years. I met some of the best people I've ever known, while staying so close to my friends spread all over the state and soon the country. I've spent countless hours sitting out at The Point thinking about my life up until that particular point in time. I designed my major and have been so fortunate to study all sides of my favorite thing, the brain. I completed an unbelievable amount of Liberal Arts credits, studying things from The World Since 1945 to my Great Works classes, Art and Music/Literature and Theater. I've taken music conducting classes, because...why not? Hilariously enough, my undergraduate career has made a full circle with my thesis involving both Neuroscience and Music. Talk about well-rounded.

I can't believe we've already hit the midterm of the Fall of my senior year. In just a few short weeks, my applications to graduate schools will be completely out of my hands and my future is left up to everyone but me. I'm excited for the future and I can't wait to see what this world has for me to do, but I'm also unbelievably worried until I find out where I'm going.

Prayers are always appreciated. Thanks to everyone that has been along for this ride at Hanover. It'll be coming to an end before I know it, but I know you're all as excited as I am for "Emily in the Real World" blog posts.

Smile always,
e.

One Year Later

I have the best friends in the world. If someone were to ask me who in my life has inspired me or had the most impact, my friends would be tied with my family. They aren't just people I talk to when I need to make plans. They've laughed with me, cried with me, and grown with me. They've always been there and nights like tonight when we can catch up like no time has passed make me appreciate them more than anything.

As I sit here and reminisce about the good old days, I can't help but think about the friend that I can't sit with and laugh, talk, or cry. The friend that, until a year ago, was here to teach me about trees, walk around with dinosaur arms, and flaunt a purple headband. Until a year ago, I could text my friend with pictures of miniature animals or talk about how many different ways we could rearrange our dorm room.

The last year passed unbelievably quickly. It overwhelms me to go back and think about all the things that happened. Some people think that when someone dies, everyone just moves on. You pick yourself up and get over it. That's not at all true. You get up every day thankful God gave you another one, but guilty that you get it and she doesn't. You move through school anticipating graduation, but feel sad when you know she won't be out at The Point with you for a group picture. You drive to work praying you make it safely, then wonder why you're still here when she's not. You make people think that you're okay with a smile and cheerful demeanor, but somehow your thoughts always fall back to the same topic.

Jennifer was one of my best friends. I enjoyed every moment we spent together including impromptu weekend trips to Tennessee, Taco Bell runs, personal talks, and Spring Break 2014 in Savannah, Georgia. I'm so blessed to have these memories and blessed even more so to have been part of her life up until the end. I got to watch her grow from the shy freshman to an absolutely hilarious and open person. Every day I think about her and my heart aches for her loving mother, father, and brother; the three people she absolutely adored. 

Jennifer changed my life, much like every single one of my friends. I'm always thankful for the ones that are still here and blessed to have had Jennifer in my life for the time I did. Always be grateful for what you have and the opportunities you've been given. Thank God for every single day and pray every night for peace and safety among your loved ones and those they encounter. You never know if today is your last, so appreciate every day and smile always.

Jennifer Marie Lundergan

June 9, 1993- August 4, 2014

What Would I Do Without You?

As this school year comes to a close, I’m left thinking about all I am thankful for despite the anxiety, fear, and sadness I felt as the year began. Losing one of my best friends was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with. Returning to school and living in a room we were to share together was unbelievably difficult and lonely and I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d make it through the entire year that way.

So, I’m using this blog post to thank every one of you that sent good thoughts and prayers my way. I know without those I would not have been able to function properly.

To everyone that came out to Jennifer’s memorial service in September, thank you. I feel like that was the best way to get some closure as a campus and I appreciate you all coming. It was also a nice way to say goodbye to Emily, Sarah, and Lauren as they all went their separate ways for the term.

To my mom and sisters that took my phone calls and got me off campus so that I could get out and listened to me cry, you ladies are wonderful. I love you all very much and thank you for all you do for me.

To my friends from home and away that contacted me on a regular basis to check in and chat, I love you all and thank you so much for always being here for me.

To the person that spent the last nine months listening to me gripe and complain about everything even when you were gallivanting across Europe the last month, took late night food runs with me, laughed with me, and helped me immensely, thank you so much. If I didn’t have a friend right around the corner, I probably would not have left my room. Even though I’d keep you up until 2 am on a regular basis, I appreciate you being such a great friend.

To the person that went out of her way to share her lunchtime with me and get to know me, I know we’ve discussed this, but thank you. You made meal time much more bearable and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and becoming your friend. You’re a lovely human being and I hope we’ll be able to stay connected throughout our senior year.

To the person that has talked to me every day despite any stressful or negative thing that has happened since September, thank you. Thanks for being here for someone you really didn’t know all too well. Thank you for listening to me whine and walking me through a lot of the grieving process. Thanks for opening up your life to me and becoming one of my really great friends. I can honestly say, without your friendship, I would not have been able to handle a lot of things. I truly appreciate you more than you’ll ever possibly understand.

Despite some difficult times, this year was a great one. I learned a significant amount in all of my classes and about myself. I was surrounded by amazing people and seriously great professors that either listened to me talk about my life just because I needed to talk or said the words “Emily, you’ll get into grad school” when I went to their office in a panic.

I’ve loved Hanover since the moment I walked in Donner Hall my freshman year and I am always so thankful for this beautiful place I get to call home. As my senior year quickly approaches, I’m thrilled to have the opportunity to live with three great ladies and I’m super excited for all of the new and scary challenges to come. I cannot believe this year is over and that this time next year I’ll be the one accepting my diploma out at The Point. (That is assuming I pass my Comps, which I’m sure will be the topic of a few blogs in the fall.) Again, thank you all so much for everything you do for me. And, thanks for always being so willing to read these blogs that come to me at 2:30 in the morning. You’re all lovely people.

Smile always,

e. 

This is the End

Mono. Infectious mononucleosis. “Whore’s disease” as my boss put it. 

Whatever you call it, I’ve got it. Also, just so you know, I got it from sharing a computer with a lab partner. Not nearly as exciting as what you were thinking, I know.

Now, instead of sitting here and crying like I’ve been doing off and on the last few days, I’m going to make a list of things I’m thankful for despite the sore throat and seriously unattractive puffy eyes.

Prepare yourself. This is some quality stuff.

I’m thankful for…

1.    The absolute beauty running through this campus right now. Everything is blooming and it’s so sunny and green. After a long gray winter, this is definitely what we all need.

2.    The ability to zoom on this computer. I can’t tell if my eyes are getting worse or what, but this 181% zoom is really helping.

3.    My momma. Thanks for listening to me gripe and complain for the last week. I wuv you so muches.

4.    The company that made my ibuprofen, mostly for your patience in making the product. I’ve made ibuprofen and I’ll be honest, it probably would have killed someone. Thank you for not killing me.

5.    The professors that allowed me to switch in and out of classes to make this a productive Spring Term rather than a wasted one.

6.    My friends that have checked in on me over the last few days. You guys are great.

7.    And, most of all, I’m thankful for the boys in baseball pants standing outside my window. Thank you, baseball boys. Thank you.

Moral of the story: Things won’t always be great and you may not always feel the best, but there are still things to be thankful for.

I’m going to take a nap now.

And, for the love of God, wash your hands, people!

Smile always,

e. 

Sit Down and Shut Up

Anyone that has come in contact with me the last few days could probably tell that I haven't been in the best of moods. I would apologize, but it's not my fault that you're annoying and seriously ticking me off. 

A little over a year ago I posted a blog titled "Hello, Welcome to my Hate List." That would be the nice version of this one.

Today, friends, we're going to go through the list of things people are doing that is driving me absolutely insane. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, maybe I'm crazy, or maybe you're pretty freaking obnoxious. 

1. We are sitting in class right now. GET YOUR FEET OFF THE TABLE. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Respect. For the love, people. 

2. It's 8 in the morning and you're using a blender right outside my door. Are you really doing this right now? Is this really happening? Did you consider the fact that some of us are, oh I don't know, asleep? Maybe? No? That's what I thought.

3. You haven't talked to me iiiiinnnn months? and you think you have some sort of right to have any opinion on my life? Please tell me you're joking. 

4. Could you pretty, pretty, pretty please separate yourself from the points of my life that I don't want you in? If I wanted you to be aware of things that are going on, I'd tell you. If I wanted you to let me know what's going on, I'd ask. So, just stop. Please. 

5. There are a lot of things I don't like. There are a lot of things I don't agree with. There are also a lot of things that I do wrong. And, guess what, so do you. People need to stop throwing around their under-educated, intolerant opinions and realize that they're no better than anyone else. Too many people are up on their high horse and all it's doing is filling the world with a bunch of crap. 

So, there's my rant. 

If you think any of these are about you, they probably are, so just stop. 

I will end by saying that those of you that have taken the time to listen to me yell and rant the last couple of days or have sent me sweet messages or pictures of precious puppies, I appreciate you. You're the best. :)

Smile always, or don't.

e. 

Hello. My name is...

Hello. My name is Emily and I’m a fixer.

Anybody who knows me knows that I will bend over backwards to make sure other people don’t have to deal with things on their own. Oh, your stomach hurts? Let me offer you some possible remedies. You’re fighting with your parents? Maybe try approaching it this way. Your siblings are absolute morons? Try giving them some space and see what happens.

It’s my nature. It’s not something that I can let myself not do. If I see someone who is obviously struggling, the only thing I know is to offer 100% of myself to take off a little pressure, give them someone to talk to, and help them find a solution.

Although I’m surrounded by so many great friends and family members, it’s hard for me to let them do the same. The weight of the world keeps getting heavier and heavier and one day it’s going to completely consume me. But, if I can keep a little bit of extra weight off of everyone else, then it’s worth it, right?

I know this is completely moronic. I know that I can’t possibly help everyone and in the grand scheme of things my heartfelt “suggestions” are probably not always wanted or even actually helpful. So, why do I do it? Why do I continue to search and search for everyone else’s problems instead of dealing with my own?

Then there are days like today when no matter what I do or say, I’m not actually helping anyone. I may actually be making things worse. Despite any of my helpful suggestions, I may actually be pushing someone that much farther over the edge. So, why can’t I stop? Why can’t I just cut the cord and call it quits? Why do I not have the ability to give up on people? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like everyone. I mean, there are people I would throw in front of a bus if I had the chance. The funny thing is that it’s not just my friends and family that I go out of my way to “protect.” It’s the people that hurt me or left me or lied to me. These people that don’t deserve my sympathy, but they get it anyway.

Granted, I’m not always sugar coating any advice. Life is tough and I’m not going to tell you it’s not. My dad once told me that I could tell someone to go to Hell, but say it in such a way that they’d be excited for the trip. I suppose that may be true.

I’m not saying that I have a profound amount of wisdom. I’m not saying my life is so much worse than yours so I understand everything you’re going through. On the other hand, I don’t just say things to just say them. If I’m trying to help, it’s because in some fashion, I get it. You know, I’m not even 21 years old. (But, in exactly a month I will be, so you can go ahead and start shopping.) I have never been married. I don’t have any children. I haven’t done many, many things. But, I do watch. I do pay attention. I do see how people react and handle things and what works and what doesn’t. And, although I haven’t seen it all, I have gone through some pretty difficult things myself that I don't always share.

As I come to a close on my 20^th year, I think it may be time for a change. I think it’s time that I work on myself a little bit. I mean, it’d be nice to not have commitment issues or panic every time I get a phone call, expecting someone to be dead. It’d be nice to sit down at the end of the day and be at peace instead of constantly worrying about what everyone else is doing. And, although my friends are amazing and are always checking in, it’d be nice for other people to look at me and say “Em, I know your life isn’t perfect. I know you struggle with many personal things. Talk to me about them.”

Don’t take this as me saying that I’m signing off from listening to anyone ever again. If you need me, I’ll always be here no matter what. But, it is time for me to step back from always being the fixer.

Hi. My name is Emily and I need fixed. 

I Need Sle-zzzzz....

People are always talking about this thing they do every day. It's supposed to be really good for you; allows your brain to rest, resets your body, and all that jazz. I guess it's something that you're supposed to do, but the word is so foreign to me. Tell me if you've heard of it: Sleep. 

Say it with me: Sleeeeeep. I say it and the word freaks me out. The "sl" sounds add a funny feeling to my mouth and the long "e" makes me feel like I'm giving the world an awkward smile. And, then there's the "p." So short, sweet and to the point, that "puh" sound. What an odd word.

So, what is sleep? 

Well, according to Google, sleep is "a condition of body and mind such as that which typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is relatively inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended." 

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm so tired that I didn't even read the entire definition. 

Here's my problem, I have completely forgotten about the word sleep. Why? Well, not because I haven't been tired. I'm tired. all. the. time. Every night this week I've tucked myself under my covers, said my prayers, and closed my eyes. But, as soon as I begin to fall into a deep slumber, my brain decides to turn on, my eyes open, and I'm suddenly wide awake. Why? Well, probably because I have wayyyy too much on my mind. What's on your mind that could possibly be so important that you don't sleep? Let me tell you. School, life, and let's be honest, food. My life is consumed by so many projects, assignments, readings, labs, problems, people, yada, yada, feel sorry for me, whiney stuff. 

Well, Emily, why are you writing right now instead of taking a nap? 

Funny story, although I'm sitting on my bed in my pajamas at 2:11 pm on a Friday after sleeping in hour and a half increments for the last week, I CAN'T SLE-zzzzz....