Stress

What better place to write about stress than in a hospital waiting room?

It is insane the amount of things that can happen at one time.
First, life is great. Everything is perfect. Friends are awesome. Happiness is abundant. Stress is a foreign word.

Then, class work starts to fall behind. Grades start to get a little too low for comfort. Major declaration is a pain in the butt and I'm sitting in a hospital waiting room.

Stress is the only word that comes to mind.

I haven't slept more than three hours at a time in two weeks. Just when I think everything is clearing up and I can breathe, I end up sitting in a hospital waiting room.

Sitting and waiting. Waiting for someone to tell me that the only person who has been here for me my whole life has the chance of not being here much longer. It's not like this isn't a routine thing. It's not like people don't have this done all the time. But, I have to be the rock. The solid piece of ground for everyone. For her, my family, myself, everyone.

I feel so selfish for worrying about other things right now, such as the list of things I have to do in the next two days or the amount of people who need my help in completing other things.

Stress is the word that kills me.

Things will get done and things will be fine with everyone. Once everyone else is in recovery and things are complete, I'll have my time to calm. What's another two months of this?

I always thought things would be a lot easier if I had that person to lean on. Someone to tell me it'd all be okay. Someone to ask me how I'M doing. I know I'm selfish for saying such a thing. But, sometimes it would be nice not to be a rock.

But, I'm manage. I'm get through it just like I do everything else. Alone.

Stress. My life.

Smile always,

e.

High School Homies

After a five hour trip home (that should have taken three hours) I was more than happy to be reunited with my best friends. We’ll call them my “high school homies.”

High School Homies include: Fat Amy, Shenaynay, Bernadette, Gertrude, Betty and Candie (the mistress)

By their self-chosen names, it is obvious why we are all best friends.

Spending the evening with these girls reminded me of how much I need them in my lives. They brought me out of a rut that I have been in for a little while now. I never laugh as much as I do with them. We can do anything and still have a great time and I appreciate and love them so much for that.

Why do these people mean so much to me? Well, let’s go down the list.

Fat Amy, you taught me how to roller blade. Without you, I would have embarrassed myself in high school PE when they forced us to skate. ;) You also have taught me how to roll through life. Every time I fall down, you’re there to pull me back up and give me another push. Your faith and trust in God is such an inspiration. I would be so lost without you. You get two Emily hugs and a #friendsfolife.

Shenaynay, Shenaynay, Shenaynay. You understand me more than anyone. With a simple look, you automatically know the horrible thought that is going through my mind. Knowing I’m not the only one to think these things is enough to keep me sane.  You are such a strong, inspiring woman and you have always been there for me when I needed you. We work so well together and I miss being able to mix our genius brains and create magic. You get three Emily eyebrow raises and one “hey girl, hey.”

Bernadette, my sponge. I speak for everyone when I say that you are the greatest listener. You always put everyone else before yourself and that never goes unnoticed. Your laugh is incredibly contagious and I love your sarcasm. Thanks for everything you have done for me over the years. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know. You get two Emily hair flips and one thirty minute back rub.

Gertrude, my optimistic counterpart. You are always so hopeful and it’s so inspiring. Anytime I talk to you, I know that you will show me a way that I don’t see on my own. You see the best in people when I immediately see the worst. It is refreshing to know that there are still people who see the good in the world. Thanks for being such an inspiration. You get three Emily smiles and one snuggle.

Candie…the mistress. By your name choice, it is obvious that you have a great sense of humor. That coupled with your amazing artistic talents and natural beauty, you’ve got it going on. ;) Cand, you’ve always been there when I needed you. Once, I asked you for advice on something. I asked “have you ever just thought of or looked at one thing..over and over and every time, it takes your breath away?” Your response, “yes..steak.” (There’s that humor) E: “but have you ever felt like that..just swept away by one simple thing.” Candie: “yes..many times.” E: “What did you do about it?” Candie: “I loved every moment and never fought it.” This conversation happened in 2009. Fourteen years old and you were already giving life changing advice. Cand, these words have stuck with me since you said them. Thanks for always giving great advice. You’ll never understand how much you’ve impacted my life. You get two Emily hugs and a box of chocolates.

Betty. I sit and think about what to say and I go straight back to cheer camp. You know when I’m talking about. Bets, you’re still my hero. No matter what, you’ve always been so happy. I hardly ever see you without a smile on your face and it always puts a smile on mine. You’re such a talented musician and I love hearing your music. I’m SO glad we have had the chance to spend more time together. We share a lot of memories and I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world! You get two Emily hugs and a laughing session.

I love each and every one of you so much. These are just very, very short examples of how you all have changed my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without you and I never want to have to test that. I can’t wait to see you all again. <3

Smile always,

e.

*All nicknames were chosen by the homies themselves and not by me. I do not condone any harsh terms or politically incorrect names.*

Stay Tuned For Next Week’s Blog With A Shout Out To The College Comrades.

Sole Mates

Plato believed that everyone was born with two sets of arms, two sets of legs and two faces. This angered Zeus, feeling threatened by their power. This led Zeus to split the bodies in half and scatter them across the world, condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.

Some may find this romantic, while others are wondering where the heck this other person is. I’m not sure exactly what I believe. At one time, I was convinced that Plato knew what he was talking about. It was a nice feeling knowing that there was someone out there for me and an even better feeling thinking that I was on the right track with that person.

Times have changed and I have grown up. Three and a half years after thinking I had it all figured out, I realize I don’t. Sure, I think that there is one person I’m meant to be with. The question is, how do I know when I have found him? I have seen all the signs. I have felt all the feelings that seem to go along with being with that one person. I have fallen so hard in love that I didn’t know how to get up when I realized I was there alone.

Do these things have to happen?

I have had plenty, I mean, plenty of time to contemplate these questions. Sometimes everything has to fall completely to crap in order for all parties to appreciate things in the future. As for hurting, it’s a fact of life. We all hurt, just in different ways. We all have baggage, but someone will come along with a plane big enough to haul it all. (Something else. Men are idiots. It takes them a million times longer to figure out their lives than what it takes a woman.)

Finally, I have come to realize that I’ll know I have met that person when I know. I also know that that makes absolutely no sense. I have thought before that I knew. I was told that I knew. I thought I knew it all. Now, I realize I was just a child. I was so naïve about the way things would work. Maybe I thought I’d get my Cinderella story and live happily ever after. I do believe that will happen. I don’t know when. While he’s out searching the kingdom, I’ll sit here and push my life forward. I’ll be happy and travel and make a name for myself. It may be tomorrow or it may be when I get the heck out of Indiana, but he’ll find me. And, when the shoe fits, I’ll know I’ll have found my “sole” mate.

Smile always.

e.