How Did It Get So Late So Soon?

Dr. Seuss was quoted saying "How did it get so late so soon?" This could not possibly describe my life any better. Where in the world did the time go? Two and a half years ago I was starting my first semester of college. A week from today, I’ll be half way through my junior year. For the last two weeks, I’ve been worried about all of the stuff I had due this week and all I still need to do before finals. Fast forward a week and a half and I’ll be back at work and I’m already anticipating the stress that will follow. I’m worried about graduating in May of 2016. I’m terrified to go to grad school because that will bring along so many scary yet exciting challenges. I worry about my future in terms of relationships and family. I’m terrified to end up alone. I almost always focus on tomorrow or the next day or 5 years from now.

While looking at my calendar to make plans for next week, I realized the date. Tomorrow will be December 4^th. December 4^th, 2014. 

To some, it’s just your average Thursday. To me, it’s so much more than that. 4 months ago tomorrow means 4 months without Jennifer. 4 long, hard months and so many more to go. 4 months ago, I didn’t think I’d make it through this semester. 4 months ago, I didn’t think I’d make it through the week. 4 life changing months. There are so many things that would be different if she was still here. Our room would probably be a lot cleaner than it is now. I would nap a lot more. There would inevitably be some sort of spice smell in the air. I would give anything to go back to Spring Break last year and relive all of the fun we had in Georgia. I'm so thankful for all of those memories.

Tomorrow also marks 8 years without my grandpa, one of the most amazing men I’ve ever known. Grandpa taught me countless important things:

·       How to use a nail gun

·       How to put up wallpaper

·       The importance of not touching electrical wires when you’re unsure if they’re live or not

·       Just because you own a car doesn’t mean you know how to fix one

·       Always honk when exiting an alley

·       Go to church even if you’re in the pew alone

·       Egg sandwiches always make for a quality breakfast

·       Paint thinner removes tar

·       Maybe Jerry Springer isn’t the best show for young children

·       Always have a sense of humor

·       Even in your final months, it’s acceptable to run around the house attempting to dance at 2:30 in the morning

Grandpa was truly an amazing person and I couldn’t imagine him not having been part of my life. My grandpa loved his family more than anything and is still such an inspiration to me. Miss you, Pap.

So, the next time you’re freaking out about things that are supposed to happen 5 days, months, years from now, take a moment to think about right now. People always say “life is short” and most of us don’t believe that until it’s over. You may live to be 21, 68, or 105. You never know. Stop worrying about the future. Focus on what you’re doing right now. And, be thankful for the time you’ve been given.

Smile always,

e.

What's the Ticking Sound? -Oh, It's Just My Mom

One year ago today, I sat with many supporting family members and friends for hours in the hospital while Mom had open heart surgery. I went into that day without any sleep because Mom wanted someone to stay up with her. We ate everything under the sun from about 8 pm to midnight, because that is what normal people do when they are told not to eat after a certain time. Then, we sat up and talked about absolutely everything, from plans if things didn’t go well to why we decided to eat all of that food.

Very early in the morning, it was time to head to the hospital. As I sat in the warm car waiting for everyone to get in, I watched Mom slowly walk over from the back door. It was the first light dusting of snow for the year and I watched as she ran her hand across the sleeping snow and took in the brisk air. And, I knew what she was thinking.

We made it to the hospital and they started getting her ready to take back. We all stood in a tiny room while much of our massive family filed in to pray and send her along. I hugged and kissed her then stood with my sisters as they wheeled her off into surgery.

The next eight hours were possibly the longest hours of my life. Nurses kept coming in and out to give us updates. Then, we were told she was out and everything went well.

Once she was in the ICU, I held my sisters’ hands and walked in to see her. Mom had warned us beforehand that she would not look like herself and would be very cold, but not to be worried. We stood in the room and listened to the nurse recall all of the details. I had one sister holding my hand, while going to grab Mom’s just to jump and panic over her temperature and I had another sister with her eyes fixed on the ground and her arm pulling mine toward the door.

A few hours went by and Mom decided it was time to wake up. Thankfully, Laura was in there right when she did. She kept her calm until the nurses came in and could take care of the ventilator. Even though she wasn’t supposed to talk, she kept begging us for water and to hold her eyes open. (Mom, as much as I love you, don’t ever ask me to hold your eyes open. It’s not going to happen.) She finally quieted down and fell asleep for a few hours.

The next four nights were sleepless and exhausting. I specifically remember the bed holding me up while I fanned her at 3 o’clock in the morning. Between filling water cups, dealing with food, helping with walks, assisting in moves, and playing with break-away ice packs, the nurses were convinced I was a nursing student. And, they knew not to get in my way.

I can’t believe it has been a year and what a year it has been. Although Mom isn’t 100% up to health codes, she is doing significantly better. I learned many things those days I spent with her in the hospital:

1) Coffee does not equal water. When coffee is the only thing in your system for roughly 30 hours, you start to hurt. very. badly. 

2) Dry shampoo is not always the best solution, but does keep a patient looking fresh and less hospital smelling. 

3) Even when the doctor says the patient has to be on a low sodium diet from now on, it's still okay to sneak taco bell in at 1 a.m. because she's finally hungry enough to eat.

4) Hospital wi-fi is better than college wi-fi.

5) No matter how irritating a parent can be, always be appreciative of the time you get to spend with them. This day could have gone much worse and this post could be significantly more depressing and I praise God every day that it is not that way.

Mom,

You are the strongest woman I know. (and quite possibly the most stubborn, but we’ll save that for another time.) You’ve taught me everything I know and I can’t thank you enough for giving everything you have to always help the three of us. You’ve always been there, even when we aren’t the best people to keep around.  Although your valve ticks like a clock on a regular basis and sounds like a bomb is about to explode when you get mad, I’m very glad you’re still around to sing with me, make random food with me because we ran out of corn starch for our original plan, and always support me in everything I do. Do keep in mind, however, that when I begin to have children 10 years from now, you will be the one fanning me at 3 in the morning and getting me ice chips when no nurse can be found. Husband-shmusband. That's on you now.

I love you to the moon and back, Mom. Always.

Smile always,

Em Sue

What the Haul?! - The Day I Conquered the World

Laura at 3 a.m.: “Okay, we’ll need to be leaving the apartment by 7 a.m. in order to make sure we are in Frankfort on time.”

The alarm goes off once, twice, three times and I finally decide to roll over and check the time.

7:35 a.m.

“LAURA! It’s 7:30! We have to get up!”

8 minutes later we’re “dressed” and in the car. An hour and a half drive took 50 minutes thanks to Laura’s lead foot.

We pull up to the U-Haul place and walk inside the sketchiest of buildings.

“So, I know you want the 17’ truck, but we don’t have it. I’ll charge you for the 17’ and let you have the 20’.”

I look at Laura with the most terrified of looks. I have basically negative depth perception and she’s expecting me to drive a truck this 20’ long without hitting anything or killing anyone?! I can do this. I am woman. Hear me roar. (Yes, these tend to be how my personal pep talks go.)

I’ve always been taught to be self-sufficient. Need something done? Do it yourself. The car is making funny noises? Check it out, figure it out, take care of it or make a phone call. Outlet not working? Go check the breaker box. Cut the blue or red wire? Hold your breath and pick one.

So, when Laura says to me “Em, we’ve got to move the stuff from Mom’s house to my apartment and Jon’s working that day,” my only response was, “that’s fine. We can handle it ourselves.” And, that’s exactly what we did.

I managed to drive this giant machine home without hitting anything. (I like to think the computer games I used to play where the goal was to park a semi really helped with this.) We got everything packed and ready to go then Laura, Sarah, and I loaded the truck.

1 cherry bookcase, 1 oak dresser, two beds with bed frames, a small sofa, desk, patio furniture, rocking chair and a wide variety of boxes and bags filled this massive truck almost completely.

Now, I may have accidently possibly parked the truck on the grass which may or may not been extremely wet and mushy because of the rain. And, this truck may or may not have gotten stuck in this grass and we may or may not have had to call someone to get it unstuck. Maybe. 

When it was time to go, I gleefully pulled the truck out of the driveway and watched all of the mud fly off the tires as I sped down the small country road. (By “sped” I mean I finally got the thing up to 40 mph)

Just over an hour later, we made it to Greenwood. One thing I definitely appreciate about Laura is that she understands my driving signals. We played leap frog all the way down the interstate. I was so impressed that she was trying to help me out when it came to merging that I just kept changing lanes to see if she would follow. She did.

So, we get to the apartment complex and had to park a little farther away from her apartment than I would have liked. Three hours it took the two of us to get the majority of the stuff from the truck up to her THIRD FLOOR apartment. Thankfully, Jonathon was willing to help us get the giant bookcase, dresser and sofa up the stairs. Our arms are far too short to maneuver those things by ourselves. (And, Laura is a wimp when it comes to carrying heavy things.)

As I sit here two days later and try not to move because every single muscle in my body hurts, I can’t help but think about what all I accomplished that day. I proved to myself that I really am quite self-sufficient and that is very important to me. My mom always taught me the importance of being able to take care of myself and I’ve learned so much from her. She taught me how to cook, properly clean, sing, decorate, organize, fix a car, be handy with tools, garden, make important phone calls, plus a million other things that are important in order to live. Not only can I do all the things a 1950’s housewife can do, but I can also pack up three rooms of a house, drive a giant truck without killing anyone and put these three rooms into one apartment. I feel like I have officially done it all.

Now that I have proved that to myself, I think it is time to give myself a break. [ 1) because I can’t move and 2) because one person can only do so much.]

Moral of the story: Always set yourself up for success by being able to take care of things, but always accept help when it is offered. You can’t do it all alone.

Smile always,

e. 

Vocabulary Lesson

College: (n) an institution of higher learning, especially one providing a general or liberal arts education rather than technical or profession training.

Friend: (n) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

Sleep: (v) to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial, of consciousness; cease to be awake.

Lost: (adj) no longer to be found

Study: (n) application of the mind to the acquisition of knowledge, as by reading, investigation, or reflection

Self: (n) a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality

Webster's definitions versus mine. 

College: This place I live, study, learn, laugh, cry, sleep, dream, and love. Without college, where

would I be? Who would I be?  The importance of the situation is understanding that I’m here. Why am I here? I’m here to live, study learn, laugh, cry and all the other things I mentioned before. The trick to college is understanding it is a place for growth. You grow within yourself. You grow out of your clothes thanks to the freshman 15. You grow in the mind. You grow with some people. You grow away from others. The four years you’re given should not be taken lightly. We have this chance, right now, to start building a life for ourselves without actually being completely financially responsible. We get to learn, laugh, study, do all of those things while pretending we have full control over our lives. Pretending is good practice for when these four years are over. Enjoy it! This is college.

Friend: People always say the friends you make in college are the ones that last forever. I find this to be very true. The friends I’ve made in college ARE friends that I plan to have forever. We're on year three and after basically being inseparable, we find ourselves in different parts of the world. We tell each other absolutely everything; the good, the bad, the ugly. We laugh when things are funny and we call each other out when one is being stupid. That’s what friends do. That is a true gem that will grow into an even deeper friendship over the years to come.

Contrary to popular belief, however, I have best friends who didn't think a tiny liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere was for them. I have best friends who laughed with me through my awkward middle school years. I have friends that didn't make fun of me before I knew how to use hair gel or eyeliner. I have friends that I helped get ready for junior and senior prom. (Oh, the memories) I have friends that cheered with me, friends that sang with me, friends that were there to support me no matter what. Friends that I can sit and have a 2 hour long Facebook comment conversation with and laugh just like we were all in the same room. These friends have been with me through it all. We’ve all had our own battles, but we’ve always been there for one another. These friends are my rock. They are a part of me. They are my soul.

Sleep: I had to look up a definition to this word because I truly know no meaning. It’s 1 am and I’m struck with the thought of a blog post. Sleep is a funny thing. You can never get it when you want it and when you have time it’s never enough. Can anybody think of anything else that matches that description? Oh…yeah, me neither. Anyway...that is sleep. It's good for you. Do it. 

(Let's take a look at these pictures. Context: I am on a weekend trip with friends in Brown County, Indiana. Why am I asleep in the middle of the day on a getaway? Because I don't sleep any other time. Sleep at night, so people don't take pictures of you when you fall asleep during the day. Life Lesson)

Lost: We lose many things throughout our lives. I lost one of my favorite pens last week. I also thought I lost an entire roll of stamps. (No fear, Britt. I found it.) We lose contacts, socks, acquaintances, friends. You name it, we can lose it and probably already have. Some of these things we chose to let go of and others are taken from us unexpectedly. Just keep in mind that the things you let go of, you may never be able to pick up again. Appreciate all things, before you find them being gone for good.

Study: Until this semester, I wasn’t really sure what this was either. I knew I needed to do it. I knew it was a necessary thing. But, I just didn’t. (see "sleep" for a further explanation.) This year, with all my extra “free” time, this is what I find myself doing. My studies, or “homework” as the kids call it, consume the majority of my day. I’m starting to think that’s how it should have been for years. But, hey, better late than never.

Self: probably one of the most important concepts in this thing called life. One must never lose himself. But, to be something to lose, you have to find it first. Find who you are. Be who you want to be. When the whole world comes crashing down, know how you’ll handle it. Prepare yourself for the worst and live with your eyes on the best. You. Your self is the most important thing you’ll ever have. Take care of it. You only get one self, one life, one you. Don’t waste it. Do something. BE something. Life is too short to regret not travelling across Europe or to wish you would have talked to that one person. Live, Laugh, Love. Do all the clichés. Enjoy it all. Regret nothing. And, most importantly, smile always.

One Way Pen Pals.

Oh, Jennifer. I’m only two days in and there is so much you need to know.

First off, the new Bio professor is so great. She actually knows what she is talking about and you would love her. Your little lizards are still in the Bio hall, but don’t worry. I’m sure they’re not going hungry. 

I saw Cute Butt today. And, yes. He’s still cute.

They had a nacho bar at lunch yesterday. Yes, that was all that was good. Are you surprised? The ice cream machine was actually working. I didn’t get any, though, because I didn’t see the caramel. I sat by the window and stared at the tree we never could identify. I’ll find out what it is for sure and let you know.

I reaaaaally wish I could talk to you about OChem. I know you'd appreciate that conversation.

Um, okay. Quick rundown:

Blue Streak will now on be referred to as “for some reason I decided to dye half of my hair purple" girl. Well, actually, it’s not nearly as catchy, so we’ll stick with Blue Streak.

The air conditioner in the room is super touchy. It doesn’t like to stay on very long, which I’m not happy about. I have it set up nicely, though.

That little butterfly that was on top of my wardrobe on move in day, I know was not a coincidence. I didn’t believe in things like that until then. But, I know that was you. It had to have been. It kind of creeped us all out, but I find comfort in it.

I’ve talked to your mom a few times. She’s doing okay. She’s wrapped up in getting stuff together for your memorial right now. I think that helps her. She bought 100 little dinosaurs and is filling gift bags with gummy bears. Only the best for you, of course. I hope you like the service. We’re all going to be there, even Drew.

Speaking of Drew: Girl, you did well. He is so sweet. Plus, I'm still stuck on the fact that you both call shopping carts "buggies." Seriously, I'm so happy that you found happiness. We all know that is all you ever wanted and he is seriously the best guy. You were very lucky. (Also, there are some questions about that we all want to know. If you could throw out some signs, we'd appreciate it. ;) )

So, I know you were listening when I found out that information earlier today. I’ll be honest and say that I’m glad you never found that out while you were here. I just can't even believe it. I do believe a good haunting is in order. Just a thought.

I’ve yet to make it out to the Point. I’m not really sure that I can go out there without becoming too overwhelmed. Maybe I'll stop by today.

I miss you more than anything and wish nothing but for you to come back with me. I may not sit and cry all the time, but you’re always on my mind. Keep an eye out for me, okay? You know I could use another one

.

Love you so much.

<3

So, I Bought a Dress.

So, I bought a dress. I got a new pair of flats too. Why would I wear something old or borrow from someone? I can’t wear something under par the last time we see each other. That’s just rude. 

I bought some nail polish. Purple, since it’s your favorite color. It’s a really pretty sparkly purple. You know me and my sparkles. I can’t help it. Remember that time you let me borrow your nail polish freshman year and I dumped it down the front of my desk? Yeeeaaah, sorry about that. This purple nail polish, guess what the name is. It’s called “I miss you.” How appropriate.

I bought waterproof mascara. I’m really not sure why. I shouldn’t wear any at all. I keep thinking about the times I’d be waiting for you for lunch in the CC. I’d sit and look around, then Lauren would text me saying you were putting on makeup and you guys would be awhile. I figure if you went out of your way to put makeup on just to see me at lunch, I can manage to wear a little mascara.

I bought stuff to make puppy chow. You know how we eat when we’re emotional….or just all the time. I’m not really all that hungry, though. Remember the last conversation we had? We had our schedules all worked out so neither of us had to eat lunch by ourselves. Don’t worry, though. I’ll save you a seat.

I bought a couple boxes of Kleenex. I’ve basically washed all of my clothes with the tears I’ve shed the last few days. I actually just cried through a stress relieving facial mask. I look something like the Joker. It’s nothing short of terrifying. Terrifying. Like how terrified you are of zombies. Remember when we went to that haunted house with Lisa? As soon as they let us through the door, you grabbed my hand and sprinted through the whole thing. And then we reached the zombies. I still cannot believe how terrified of them you were that night. Poor thing. It left us with a funny story, though.

This isn’t my first funeral, you know. It’s not the first time I’ve lost someone I love so much. But, it is the first time I’ve been this confused. Last time I checked, we are still supposed to have our entire lives ahead of us. We are supposed to conquer this next semester with Sarah and Emily abroad and Lauren in Cincy. We are supposed to take Molecular Biology together, because it’s a class of eight and we’re going to need study buddies. We are supposed to graduate together. We are supposed to be in each other’s weddings and sob endlessly about how happy the other is. We are supposed to get together every summer to get away from the annoying husband and whiny kids. We are supposed to send our kids off to school and say things like, “well, kids, when I was in college…”

But, that’s all gone now. Instead of looking forward to the future, I just sit in silence and read news articles about you. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I can’t speak. This is all so confusing. Jennifer. You? Of all the people in the world. You. I don’t know what to do. I feel empty. I’m so confused. I’m not even sure how to properly function. So, I just bought a dress.  

Alone in the Wild: Technology Detox

Hi, all! This entry is a little different from others that I've done. The following is a copy of my camping/ technology detox journal from my Psychology of Addiction class. Anything in parenthesis has been added while preparing this for the blog. The rest is what I wrote throughout this three day journey. Enjoy :)

Day 1: hour 1

            The tent is put up and the air mattresses are kind of pumped up. So far I’m not hating life, but I’m so over the sweat. EW. I think I’ll be fine with the technology restriction. It’s the caffeine withdrawal I’m worried about. We’ll see.

Day 1: hour 2.5

            There. Are. Bugs. EVERYWHERE! Screw technology. I HATE CAMPING! I should get extra credit for effort.

Quote: “How do you keep two rats from fighting?

-        Couples counseling

Day 1: hour 5

            We found a beach!

            Just kidding. Still in the woods.

Day 2: hour 17

            I just woke up to the sound of an annoying bird and Kate’s voice. There are two reasons I wanted my phone this morning. 1) I have no idea what time it is. I just tried to read my watch without my glasses, so who knows. 2) I had a dream last night that I really want to tell a friend about. Other than those two reasons…oh no…just kidding. It’s my baby sister’s 18^th birthday today. I feel horrible for missing it. But! I’ll make up for it by SLAVING AWAY for her graduation party. Okay, it’ll be a good day. Time for me to go to the bathroom.

Day 2: time unknown

            I’m hot. I’m sweaty. I need a shower. Those are the only things I’m thinking about right now. Honestly, I’ve only really wanted my phone to take pictures. You know, pictures of us hiking. Pictures of us breaking the law. Pictures when Megan jumped over a seat in the van because someone found a tick on her face. This really isn’t so bad, though. Usually we’d still be in class around this time, so I’m okay without the technology. Ask me again later, though.

Tick count: 6….just kidding. 7

Day 2: hour 24

            Showers! Oh my gosh, I feel so much better. I’m not sure what I’ll do with all of this free time. Although, listening to Bre snore is very entertaining. I guess I can reflect on my life. Or nah… It’s not that I need my technology to survive. I’m just really bored. We’ll see how tomorrow goes when we’re back at school.

Day 2: hour 27ish

            I have a headache. This would be caffeine withdrawal, ladies and gentlemen. Honestly, today hasn’t been too bad. We just don’t have much to do. It’s too hot to play in the sun. It’s too hot to take a nap. So, we’ve just been sitting and talking all day. It’s nice to share stories. As far as technology goes, it really sucks not knowing what time it is.

            Recurring conversation:

-        “What time is it?”

-        “Oh, probably 3.”

-        *checks watch*

-        “Nope, only 1.”

So, basically I need to learn to follow the sun. We only have 17 hours left, but I’m still ready for some A/C and a shower that stays on longer than 15 seconds at a time. Also, I’ve used enough deet for my CHILDREN to never need to use any.

Tick count: 8ish….9

Things to do when I return:

-        Shower

-        Laundry

-         Smile at the air conditioning

-        Eat

-        Nap

-        Twiddle my thumbs because I have nothing else to do

-        Color a picture

-        Lay different ways on my bed to get a new perspective

-        Drink something full of caffeine

-        Roll around on the floor

-        Rearrange my closet

-        Send smoke signals for communication

-        Use actual silverware like normal people

-        Don’t sweat

Day 2: hour 30

            Well, I didn’t realize I was sunburnt until I just saw my face. Oops, oh well.

            There are so many things I could sit and think about. This could be why I have a headache. I’m still avoiding certain things. Oh life.

            That burnt marshmallow was lovely.

            Hmmmm….I’m starting to learn that these are my kind of people. It’s nice bonding and having a legitimate conversation about psychology. Nice.

Day 3: hour 42

            We broke camp so quickly and finally left. Honestly, I’m super impressed with my tent engineering ability.

            Okay, so to wrap up the trip;

            The tick count ended at 14. Between ones people found, picked off of someone else or screamed and ran from, that’s what I came up with

            A raccoon ate our bagels and muffins that were for breakfast. He used his baby hands to open a tote under the table. Joke is on him though because the cream cheese was locked in the cooler.

            To be completely honest, this was the best camping experience I’ve had. I’m still never going to do it again, but it served as a learning experience and I appreciate that.

            As far as being back goes, I can’t go anywhere near my desk, because that’s where I put all of my electronics. I’m staring at a blank television and it’s so quiet. I think the worst part about being back is that all of my roommates are gone. I went from being around 15 people for 3 days to zero. I’m not bored, because I have a lot to do. But, I’m trying to find some way to occupy my brain. Is it lunch time yet?

Day 3: hour 42.5

            Okay, now I’m bored. I’m not meeting anyone for lunch for another half an hour. I can’t text them to move up the time and I’m so hungry! Plus! I keep thinking of these questions that I want to ask Google, but can’t!

            Question 1: Is there DNA in earwax?

            Question 2: Why am I suddenly getting freckles?

            Question 3: How to do Morse code.

            Question 4: How did that stain get on the ceiling?

            Question 5: What does the radar show for today?

Also, I just realized that if I die in here, no one will find me for another two weeks! Great. I also just remembered that I had a dream about the difference between a flat billed hat and a regular cap.

            Hmmmm. I’m interested in hooking myself up to an EEG and seeing how things are working up there right now. I think my brain is starting to panic.

            I’m going to sit, look out the window and take a tally of people I know versus people I don’t. Ready? Go.

People I know: 38

People I don’t: 14

(This went on for an hour and a half)

*This is very “You just witnessed a mugging, John. That’s not normal.” John Nash- A Beautiful Mind. Bonus points for those of you who get the reference.*

Day 3: hour 48

            Lauren’s over and we’re bonding. It’s much easier to not be alone. Laundry is finished too, so that’s great.

            Okay, yes. I’ll admit. I did break. It was probably the worst thing I could have done. I just checked my texts. I didn’t respond! But, all of my apps had notifications.

-        6 emails

-        30 Facebook notifications (thanks, guys)

-        2 Facebook Messenger

-        10 Twitter notifications

-        7 app updates

Now, I just want to check all of my Facebook notifications. But, my phone is back off and in my drawer.

            Lauren and I just sat here and went through ALL of our family recipes. Now I’m hungry again and want cheeseball and Mom’s shrimp dip. Oy.

Day 3: hour 57

            Okay…I broke again. I was alone and bored and it’s too early to sleep! So, I just talked to mom on the phone for an hour and 3 minutes.

            I have, however, successfully avoided all social media and deleted my apps so I’m not tempted

            So….there’s that.

            I’m feeling the sudden technology overdose…which just makes me want caffeine. Gateway drug. What is life?

           

            I just spent time with some people and lost my mind. Humans! What are you?

            Also, here’s a list of things I do normally, but didn’t do while camping:

-        Eat when I’m bored

-        Over snack

-        Each when I should just go to bed

#likenow

Day 4: hour 72

            It’s 3 o’clock! I’m done! This whole journey was extremely eye opening. It is obviously not at all comparable to being in a rehab facility with a major addiction, but I get the point of the assignment.

            Being away with people who were also being restricted was easy. We had something to bond over. We really got what each person was going through. But, going back into the real world and back to regular habits, it’s so difficult to change. I had to avoid my spot on the couch so I wasn’t tempted to watch TV. I couldn’t keep my phone off. Even though I wasn’t texting people, it felt so much better to have it on me. Staying off of social media was so extremely hard when fun things were happening and I wanted to share it with everyone. Going to get food was also hard because everyone was on their phones.

            That’s the interesting thing. You’re at a table with all of your friends, yet you’re still looking down. Every time you look down, every time you’re Facebooking or tweeting about life, you’re actually missing your life. Living in the moment doesn’t mean telling everyone else about it. It means enjoying what’s going on right now. Stepping away from the technology and drama and television. Realizing you’re content and happy right now.

            I was listening to a podcast a while ago and they were talking about who we are without technology. If you were to take away all of your social media and technology, who are you? Are you the person who is going out of their way to impact the lives of others while bettering your own? Are you the person who is waiting to tell the world about everything you did today to receive that small bit of affirmation? It’s interesting to think about.

            I’m not saying that I’m going to go out and throw away all of my electronics and never use any social media again. But, I will start thinking about whether it’s necessary to pull out my phone when my friends are all together or to sit and watch YouTube instead of spending time with people. In the end, do you want to be the guy who had 1,000 Facebook friends or the guy to made a difference in just a few people’s lives? I challenge you all to think about that.

Smile always,

e.

Changed

There comes a time in everyone’s life when it’s time to make a change, make a commitment, and move forward. For some, this happens at a young age; others may not reach this until later in their life. For me, I was 19.

From the time I was six, I’d been searching for the ways of the world. I would ask questions, do research and still couldn’t come up with an answer. I knew where I should be. I watched others make this commitment many times throughout my life. Everyone had their stories about being 9 or 12 or 40 when they made this decision and I remember thinking to myself one Sunday, Emily, you will NOT be the 19 year old who gets saved. Why 19? I have no idea. 

When I was sixteen, I hit a low point in my life and began searching hard again for the answers to all of life’s questions. It’s taken me three years, but I finally realized what I needed to do. I couldn’t take life all by myself anymore. I’ve believed in God and Jesus for as long as I can remember. I’ve had many a religious discussion with friends and very few people actually knew I hadn’t completely surrendered myself to Christ.

You know, everything happens for a reason. Things pile up, stress becomes too much and finally, we break. I finally broke. And, it’s about time.

After talking and praying with my pastor, I finally committed my life to God. Jesus saved me right then and there in the tiny college chapel. I know I can’t do this on my own anymore and, quite frankly, I don’t want to.

So, now, when I get overwhelmed and feel as though I can’t handle the stress of life anymore, I know there is someone who is always there to pick me up and hold me. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time and, although things aren’t necessarily going right, I’m finding the brighter side to life. Life is so much easier when you aren’t carrying the world by yourself.

I’m so thankful and blessed to have so many people in my life that have lead the way for me through the years. It's funny how God works. If it hadn't been for a very close friend during a 3 hour car ride, I probably would still be wandering alone. Apparently God knew the only way I’d have the talk was if I was stuck within the confines of the tiny vehicle. For two months, this conversation nagged at me. I will never be able to explain to this friend how much I appreciate her. She helped save my life.

So, to those who think life will only ever get worse, I’m here to tell you there is so much more. You really can’t do it all by yourself, no matter how stubborn you may be. Follow your heart, follow the Lord and live the life God has planned for you. Mine is already so much better than I could have imagined.

God bless,

e.

Songs on my heart:

Changed by: Rascal Flatts 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk1bstD4nY8 

Here I am by: Downhere

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yooJzuW8XDA

Ask the Blind Man

Sitting inside on this snow day has given me a lot of time to think. There is so much hate and hurt in the world and it is so difficult for me to wrap my head around it. This morning, my roommate endured a loss, another friend’s friend lost his baby and there was a shooting at a university. Instead of being my usual pessimistic self, I’ve been thinking about how all of these things can happen.

We’ve been reading Job in my theology class and we’ve discussed the fact that it doesn’t matter how good of a person you are, bad things can still happen to you. How is it that we get through these problems? Well, I look around my room and see bible verses all over the wall. These are in the same spot, every day, yet I don’t read them nearly often enough.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

This verse comforts me more than I can describe. Knowing God is here for me, EVEN if I’m not always too happy with Him. We won't always know all of the answers, but we aren't supposed to. Yes, it is perfectly okay to ask why. We all do it. But, always take comfort in the fact that God is in control. He won't leave you as long as you don't turn your back on him. 

My faith has been tested so much since starting my theology class and even more with everything that has been going on lately.

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 NIV

God is all around me, all the time. I can see him in all of the beauty around campus, words that come out of my friends’ mouths and any time I am blessed. Just because I can't see the point all of the time is no reason to quit or stop believing. He is still here. 

I’ve found myself listening to quite a bit of traditional Christian music today and stumbled upon a song a visiting group sang at my home church. The link will be included below.

Here are some of the lyrics:

I asked him to please tell me what was the hurry. He smiled up at me and he said “I was trying to catch the crippled man. Did he run past this way? He was rushing home to tell everyone what Jesus did today. And, the mute man was telling myself and the deaf girl he’s leaving to answer God’s call. It’s hard to believe but if you don’t trust me, ask the blind man, he saw it all.”

Wow. Those words bring a huge smile to my face. Jesus works wonders every single day. Don’t think just because you don’t witness all he does that he isn’t doing anything. He’s with us every day.

From the beginning to the end. Alpha and Omega. The Lord, my God.

God bless,

e.

He Saw it All by: The Booth Brothers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9ids-1Xq5E